October Conference. Full time ministry - why not?
so... it began with understanding "Who Jesus is?, "What Jesus came for?"...
and then understanding, "What is required of us?" a.k.a. the demands gospel...
there was a series of questions i asked myself.
Do you love Jesus?
i often tell God... "I wish I could say that I have loved you, but I haven't. If I were to stand before you, and say I loved you - it would only mean that on most occasions, I have loved you with my feelings, and on few occasions, I have loved you with my actions. And by and large, I can't say you already are the love of my life, and so I find it hard to tell you honestly that "I have loved you with my life". Still, thank you for having loved me, and so help me to love you..."
How will you love Jesus?
"I guess I've got plans for ministry, and plans to lay my life down for the sake of the gospel. I want to be a good doctor, and use that as a platform for the ministry of the gospel. Asides my workplace, I'll also give and support the gospel work of fellow christians in church. "
What about full time ministry?
"Well, in one sense, all christians are meant to do full time ministry in all areas of our life - in my work as a doctor, in university amongst my friends, in church amongst fellow christians. Its the same for every christian, whether you get paid as a Formal full-time worker in church, or whether you see your workplace and everything surrounding you as your Mission Field. For me, I think doing it alongside with my medicine degree is pretty much the way to go, and i'll work at workplace ministry + doing ministry in church. People from both places need to hear the gospel - church and the secular world."
sounds good eh?
Now, these were my valid arguments, and these were what made me think I was moving along the right track as a gospel-centered christian. Everything about these statements told me that I was ready to lay OR at least working towards laying down my life for the gospel.
The Hypothethical Situation.
You reach a fork in the road.
I would choose the left. There was nothing wrong with my original plan, which was actually very gospel-centered. In fact, both routes are just as gospel-centered, so I was contented to stay with my decision... (not knowing that in fact, my life has been held captive, not to the gospel/Jesus, but to something else.)
Now, if somewhere along your christian path, a pastor came by one day and tells you to consider full-time minsitry. What would you say?
Now, this is what I would say...
"Well, that's certainly a consideration. While I don't see myself going into full-time paid ministry yet, if the opportunities open up in future, and God calls me into full-time paid ministry, then perhaps I'll head into full-time ministry. As for now, I don't think I'm suited or ready yet. I want to work on my godliness and my character first. Personally, I'm not really a gifted speaker, but in saying that, i know this is something that can be improved with practise and training. Sometimes, the thing that stops me from wanting to take up a leadership/full-time ministry position is that, I'm afraid of the type of responsibilities for others that is required of me. I'm afraid that i might not be up to it, and that would affect the "sheep" placed under my charge. So, for now? I don't think I'm ready yet."
so far so good... i didn't see anything wrong with my life... yet.
Now, a certain miraculous change that happens instantaneously to you... its sudden, certainly strange... you don't know how it happens. You are now competant, gifted with the necessary skills to be a full-time pastor, you know you have the "character" for it because you are above reproach... and you'd be most effective as a gospel worker in this ministry rather than as a doctor.
... Now a pastor of a church in desperate need for employing gospel-centered workers to help with the gospel ministry saw you from a distance. He calls out to you saying... "Hey there! We're willing to pay you so you don't have to work. We think you'd be a great minister of the gospel, so come on along and join the bandwagon of full-time paid ministry. Come now! we'll start today..."
What would you do? What would I do?
"No, I can't... I'm not ready..." would be my answer... ... But why not?
in my heart, i felt a certain reluctance, a certain fear... Will I drop my medicine studies now without completing it and do just that? Isn't this too big a change for me...? There's too much i need to give up... I felt insecure...
You know, when I questioned myself from the beginning and up to this point, I thought I was okay as a christian, going along well with gospel-centeredness... and but now, something moved in my heart. (the kind of *gulp*-worthy discomfort at the back of my throat... it felt like someone gripped my heart)
my thoughts wrestled with my heart... i reasoned well, knowing without a doubt what the "right answer" was... that is, if my life was gospel-centered... if I was going to be "more effective" as a full-time paid minister... if the spreading of the gospel was the most important mission in life.... then why not join that band-wagon, give up being a doctor and head down the path of Full-time paid ministry... and most honestly...? hidden deep inside of me, I now know that I loved medicine for the securities it provides to me as a student now, and the same securities it would provide me as a worker in future. More importantly, the effort and investment i placed in it had made it my possession. It formed the love of my heart, and I was held captive by it.
This was a time I knew... "I had gospel-centered plans, got involved in gospel-centered acts (church and stuff), but was a christian without a gospel-centered heart...."
now you see, I had thought better of myself as a christian that I actually am; I thought I was at least somwhat gospel-centered, only to find out that on the inside, I wasn't.
The excuse I gave decieves... "I'm not ready yet, give me time to prepare, grow in godliness and be equipped. When I'm ready and find that I'm suited for it, perhaps, full-time paid ministry might me a consideration."... If anything, this was a lie and I've been decieved. Given that time should come when I became ready and suited for full-time ministry, it made no difference because, full-time ministry wasn't a real consideration at all.
... ...so you see, the hypothethical situation fastforwards "that few years" you thought you would have been working so hard to prepare yourself so as to bring you into "that time" where you have become already capable and suited for full-time ministry... But "a time" that many christians fail to think about or even consider then, what they'd do when they reached that fork in the road... ... a hypothetical decision that becomes a mirror that reflects the "christian" state; challenging your convictions, your love, your priorities.
and so, i've been decieved to think that I bore the label of a "gospel-centered christian".
Was Jesus the love of my life?
... I loved my possessions (medicine) more than Jesus.
... i'm the rich young ruler.
I always read that parable and pointed my finger at the rich young ruler almost accusing "him" as an example that I shouldn't be. I never relised how I was in fact, exactly like "him". So the heart of the issue isn't really about whether i eventually went into full-time ministry or not... It isn't even about the gospel-centered actions, services and plans I could come up with and do as a christian now. It was about my life, my love and my convictions - a gospel-centered heart.
Like the rich young ruler who had to face the "Fork-in-the-Road" - to follow Jesus or not... and who eventually turned away from following Jesus because his life was prisoner to his posessions.... Like the rich young ruler, my love and trust are in my possessions (studies/occupation)...
The gospel demands that we lay down our lives, pick up our cross and follow Him (Jesus). But, I couldn't lay down my life for the sake of the gospel. My possessions took the centre-stage, and I made attempts to structure the gospel around it... ... For me, being able to do workplace-ministry as a doctor alongside part-time church ministry made me think I had a "gospel-centered life"...
With an understanding of the seriousness, the importance and the privellage of the ministry of the gospel, it makes sense that one should be compelled one to have everything else in life structured around to support the gospel at its core. A good question to then ask ourselves is "Where can I be most effective in serving the gospel? and if I'm suited (e.g. the competence and character/maturity), what's stopping me from going there?"
With the knowlege that you might be best suited and most effective to serve the gospel in a particular area of the gospel ministry (e.g. full-time paid ministry, part-time ministry, lay-man support), and not do it... almost indefinitely shows that something else other than the gospel takes precedence. And understanding while this reflects our failings, that God who is in control is ultimately always there to help us through. (I guess the most comforting thing about this parable, is the part where Jesus said just after the parable that "With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible...")
And ultimately, the gospel demands not as much the services you can do in Church, as much as it demands our life; that is you being able to lay down your life for Jesus. Honestly, I'm perhaps not yet ready in character, not yet competant, nor find that circumstances most favourable, and so going into full-time right now at this moment isn't not really the best thing to do. However, in this, i've learnt that there are things that I love more than Jesus, and that this needs to change eventually...
how does it affect me as a christian?
"Ignorance is Not bliss" - just knowing that i'm not the perfect christian is in fact, comforting in some sense cos' its better to know than stay ignorant (tho', staying ignorant seems like the "easier" path to go... the bible describes it as the wider road...)
"knowledge is responsibility"- knowing now what the gospel demands of a christian and how there are areas i'm still lacking, doing something about it is responsiblity; the responsiblity of the gospel ministry...
and i ask myself the question again,
Do you love Jesus?
I want to...
but I need fixing up so as to live a gospel-centered life. I want to be able to say someday - "I have loved Jesus"...
and then understanding, "What is required of us?" a.k.a. the demands gospel...
there was a series of questions i asked myself.
Do you love Jesus?
i often tell God... "I wish I could say that I have loved you, but I haven't. If I were to stand before you, and say I loved you - it would only mean that on most occasions, I have loved you with my feelings, and on few occasions, I have loved you with my actions. And by and large, I can't say you already are the love of my life, and so I find it hard to tell you honestly that "I have loved you with my life". Still, thank you for having loved me, and so help me to love you..."
How will you love Jesus?
"I guess I've got plans for ministry, and plans to lay my life down for the sake of the gospel. I want to be a good doctor, and use that as a platform for the ministry of the gospel. Asides my workplace, I'll also give and support the gospel work of fellow christians in church. "
What about full time ministry?
"Well, in one sense, all christians are meant to do full time ministry in all areas of our life - in my work as a doctor, in university amongst my friends, in church amongst fellow christians. Its the same for every christian, whether you get paid as a Formal full-time worker in church, or whether you see your workplace and everything surrounding you as your Mission Field. For me, I think doing it alongside with my medicine degree is pretty much the way to go, and i'll work at workplace ministry + doing ministry in church. People from both places need to hear the gospel - church and the secular world."
sounds good eh?
Now, these were my valid arguments, and these were what made me think I was moving along the right track as a gospel-centered christian. Everything about these statements told me that I was ready to lay OR at least working towards laying down my life for the gospel.
The Hypothethical Situation.
You reach a fork in the road.
- On the left was my plan of continuing as a "ministering" doctor doing "part-time ministry".
- On the right was the path to full-time paid ministry.
I would choose the left. There was nothing wrong with my original plan, which was actually very gospel-centered. In fact, both routes are just as gospel-centered, so I was contented to stay with my decision... (not knowing that in fact, my life has been held captive, not to the gospel/Jesus, but to something else.)
Now, if somewhere along your christian path, a pastor came by one day and tells you to consider full-time minsitry. What would you say?
Now, this is what I would say...
"Well, that's certainly a consideration. While I don't see myself going into full-time paid ministry yet, if the opportunities open up in future, and God calls me into full-time paid ministry, then perhaps I'll head into full-time ministry. As for now, I don't think I'm suited or ready yet. I want to work on my godliness and my character first. Personally, I'm not really a gifted speaker, but in saying that, i know this is something that can be improved with practise and training. Sometimes, the thing that stops me from wanting to take up a leadership/full-time ministry position is that, I'm afraid of the type of responsibilities for others that is required of me. I'm afraid that i might not be up to it, and that would affect the "sheep" placed under my charge. So, for now? I don't think I'm ready yet."
so far so good... i didn't see anything wrong with my life... yet.
Now, a certain miraculous change that happens instantaneously to you... its sudden, certainly strange... you don't know how it happens. You are now competant, gifted with the necessary skills to be a full-time pastor, you know you have the "character" for it because you are above reproach... and you'd be most effective as a gospel worker in this ministry rather than as a doctor.
... Now a pastor of a church in desperate need for employing gospel-centered workers to help with the gospel ministry saw you from a distance. He calls out to you saying... "Hey there! We're willing to pay you so you don't have to work. We think you'd be a great minister of the gospel, so come on along and join the bandwagon of full-time paid ministry. Come now! we'll start today..."
What would you do? What would I do?
"No, I can't... I'm not ready..." would be my answer... ... But why not?
in my heart, i felt a certain reluctance, a certain fear... Will I drop my medicine studies now without completing it and do just that? Isn't this too big a change for me...? There's too much i need to give up... I felt insecure...
You know, when I questioned myself from the beginning and up to this point, I thought I was okay as a christian, going along well with gospel-centeredness... and but now, something moved in my heart. (the kind of *gulp*-worthy discomfort at the back of my throat... it felt like someone gripped my heart)
my thoughts wrestled with my heart... i reasoned well, knowing without a doubt what the "right answer" was... that is, if my life was gospel-centered... if I was going to be "more effective" as a full-time paid minister... if the spreading of the gospel was the most important mission in life.... then why not join that band-wagon, give up being a doctor and head down the path of Full-time paid ministry... and most honestly...? hidden deep inside of me, I now know that I loved medicine for the securities it provides to me as a student now, and the same securities it would provide me as a worker in future. More importantly, the effort and investment i placed in it had made it my possession. It formed the love of my heart, and I was held captive by it.
This was a time I knew... "I had gospel-centered plans, got involved in gospel-centered acts (church and stuff), but was a christian without a gospel-centered heart...."
now you see, I had thought better of myself as a christian that I actually am; I thought I was at least somwhat gospel-centered, only to find out that on the inside, I wasn't.
The excuse I gave decieves... "I'm not ready yet, give me time to prepare, grow in godliness and be equipped. When I'm ready and find that I'm suited for it, perhaps, full-time paid ministry might me a consideration."... If anything, this was a lie and I've been decieved. Given that time should come when I became ready and suited for full-time ministry, it made no difference because, full-time ministry wasn't a real consideration at all.
... ...so you see, the hypothethical situation fastforwards "that few years" you thought you would have been working so hard to prepare yourself so as to bring you into "that time" where you have become already capable and suited for full-time ministry... But "a time" that many christians fail to think about or even consider then, what they'd do when they reached that fork in the road... ... a hypothetical decision that becomes a mirror that reflects the "christian" state; challenging your convictions, your love, your priorities.
and so, i've been decieved to think that I bore the label of a "gospel-centered christian".
Was Jesus the love of my life?
... I loved my possessions (medicine) more than Jesus.
... i'm the rich young ruler.
I always read that parable and pointed my finger at the rich young ruler almost accusing "him" as an example that I shouldn't be. I never relised how I was in fact, exactly like "him". So the heart of the issue isn't really about whether i eventually went into full-time ministry or not... It isn't even about the gospel-centered actions, services and plans I could come up with and do as a christian now. It was about my life, my love and my convictions - a gospel-centered heart.
Like the rich young ruler who had to face the "Fork-in-the-Road" - to follow Jesus or not... and who eventually turned away from following Jesus because his life was prisoner to his posessions.... Like the rich young ruler, my love and trust are in my possessions (studies/occupation)...
The gospel demands that we lay down our lives, pick up our cross and follow Him (Jesus). But, I couldn't lay down my life for the sake of the gospel. My possessions took the centre-stage, and I made attempts to structure the gospel around it... ... For me, being able to do workplace-ministry as a doctor alongside part-time church ministry made me think I had a "gospel-centered life"...
With an understanding of the seriousness, the importance and the privellage of the ministry of the gospel, it makes sense that one should be compelled one to have everything else in life structured around to support the gospel at its core. A good question to then ask ourselves is "Where can I be most effective in serving the gospel? and if I'm suited (e.g. the competence and character/maturity), what's stopping me from going there?"
With the knowlege that you might be best suited and most effective to serve the gospel in a particular area of the gospel ministry (e.g. full-time paid ministry, part-time ministry, lay-man support), and not do it... almost indefinitely shows that something else other than the gospel takes precedence. And understanding while this reflects our failings, that God who is in control is ultimately always there to help us through. (I guess the most comforting thing about this parable, is the part where Jesus said just after the parable that "With man it is impossible, but with God all things are possible...")
And ultimately, the gospel demands not as much the services you can do in Church, as much as it demands our life; that is you being able to lay down your life for Jesus. Honestly, I'm perhaps not yet ready in character, not yet competant, nor find that circumstances most favourable, and so going into full-time right now at this moment isn't not really the best thing to do. However, in this, i've learnt that there are things that I love more than Jesus, and that this needs to change eventually...
how does it affect me as a christian?
"Ignorance is Not bliss" - just knowing that i'm not the perfect christian is in fact, comforting in some sense cos' its better to know than stay ignorant (tho', staying ignorant seems like the "easier" path to go... the bible describes it as the wider road...)
"knowledge is responsibility"- knowing now what the gospel demands of a christian and how there are areas i'm still lacking, doing something about it is responsiblity; the responsiblity of the gospel ministry...
and i ask myself the question again,
Do you love Jesus?
I want to...
but I need fixing up so as to live a gospel-centered life. I want to be able to say someday - "I have loved Jesus"...
posted by JorD at 6:58 PM
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