real pride. hi to my pride.

TRUTHFULLY, you know, real pride is such a subtle thing...
and prideful people are usually almost always blind to their pride. i'm no exception...
if only, somehow, we could all switch into a third person perspective, and look back at ourselves... and see how prideful we really are...
sometimes, its not even in the obvious things you do... (people who are obviously proud, are usually unlikeable... but in fact, these are just people with low EQ)
(and for people with a much Higher EQ....) sometimes, its just the feelings we harbour deep inside... PRIDE...

like the feeling of *"yes yes i'm super smart lah... i can answer those questions that my tutor asks..." or less obvious, or just a simple comparison with someone else... that makes you feel better... "*oh i know the answer to that question that he can't answer"... like just feeling comforted when you scored badly in an exam *"and so did someone else too...." or less obvious, just complaining inside about another person, and how he/she could have done better... "let me, just let me do it... i can..." or just "wanting to know how another person did in his/her paper... good results? bad results?... to gain a little reassurance"

so subtle. we get these feelings all the time, at least I do... and I don't realise it's pride...
and when you think about it, it's kinda digusting... i mean, if to feel like that against friends and the people I ought to love... you know. self-reflection is good. i reflect upon the times I was proud... you know, after looking at my past journal entries, and think of many things i've done and felt in the past... *ahhh. i cringe. haha. well, i admit, i'm was/am still a very proud person... i'm figuring out how to change.... its hard for prideful people to love others....
[really... prideful people, who are always comparing themselves with others, can't possibly really love their friends/neighbours] so anw, i hope to love the friends around me more...

***and today, a group of friends and I celebrated a friend's birthday during a supper gathering... the 'birthday boy' gave a very insightful sharing... that's really very cool... talked about how important really, is relationships with the people around you... and so much so that sometimes, always fighting for the truth you know, may not be always a wise thing to do... there's always an appropriate time, situation and context... and do it thoughtfully and out of love... and personally I find that, even if, despite everything you try (in gentleness and love), people don't listen/agree with you... continue to love them, and remember the way you were before too... and remember still, very importantly, your friendships/ties with them and so, a profound statement, that i agree with..."when you love someone, you'll tell him the truth... but when you know the truth, you'll love that person all the more".



and it's something very important that i'll learn from... :)



-jordan